Have you seen the brilliant documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work? It opens with Joan working some sad comedy club, complaining about the club’s decrepit state (not to mention her own career) and lamenting a call she had to take from her daughter, Melissa.
Rivers bitches that Missy wanted “approval” for having turned down an offer to pose topless in Playboy for $400,000, and Joan seethed to the audience that what she ought to say to her daughter was, “Why didn’t you say yes, show your p—y, too, and ask for $800,000!”
It’s cruelly funny, vintage Rivers: Everything you’re not supposed to say (especially about one’s own family!), but Rivers goes right ahead and says it, because (a) it’s funny, and (b), because it’s true.
Megan Fox, though perhaps not by the same design, also has a pretty loose pair of lips:

After all, the curvy, newly engaged hon has notoriously shot her mouth off many times before, sometimes to the detriment of her own employment, as her exiting from Transformers 3 was testament. But come on, in the process, Fox called Michael Bay, one of the town’s most dubious employers of women, out on the carpet for treating her badly and in a demeaning way, so she felt.
Was it smart to speak up? Probably not. Was it fearless and strong? Oh, yeah.
There are others: Kathy Griffin holds little back in her comedy. Kristen Stewart is showing an amazing amount of chutzpah in her young career. Anna Paquin has a supersensible sound bite. But for the most part, Hollywood women largely play the game, just as they’re told.
Rivers first put herself on the map for discussing what she was told not to include in her act: abortion. And because she then got old and chose to have plastic surgery, she was dismissed—even though buttloads of women in this town have themselves been doctored just the same. They just don’t talk about it.
Griffin took herself from the D-list to the A-list, simply for having the cojones to say that’s the list she was on at the time. Stewart doesn’t play her personal life to the media, like her zillions of counterparts. Paquin has already said she’s “done” with the media because they have unreasonably—and unfairly—scrutinized her. And besides, Anna’s just perfect.
Seems so few others are these days. Guy’s too, mind you, but that’s a bitch for another time.

Share this story on Facebook!
_______
Want to hear Joan dish on the hottest celebs? Joan Rivers’ Red Carpet Roast. Read the rest of this entry

‘I know what it feels like to be unsure,’ actress tells MTV News.
By Josh Wigler, with reporting by Josh Horowitz

Kristen Stewart

Photo: MTV News

It’s not every day that one has to reconcile their romantic feelings toward a sparkling vampire and a hunky werewolf, but it’s an emotional conflict Bella Swan faces on a regular basis in the “Twilight” series.

Read the rest of this entry

Dear Ted:
Did you see when Rob dedicated his Best Male Performance to Kristen? She made a face like she was upset. He’s so cute and romantic and she was so bitchy. I love her, too, but why was she so uncomfortable?
—Adri
Dear Doesn’t Buy It:
Did you not see when they kissed? Look, babes, Robsten know exactly what they’re doing. And as far as Kristen’s bleh face goes, get real: That’s when you know she’s into you. Remember, she’s not a traditional girlie girl, not in the least.
Dear Ted:
Thanks for your honest account of Robsten. We know they are a couple. We are glad, too. Hope they make a big splash together at the Eclipse premiere. Hope that’s their showing-the-love moment for the world to see.
—Dldeyoung
Dear Don’t Count On It:
That’s about as likely as Taylor Lautner eclipsing R.Pattz’s hotness factor, sorry.
Dear Ted:
Chace Crawford got arrested? Anything to do with his Vice?
—Ascofield

Dear Where There’s Smoke:
Yes.
Dear Ted:
One thing I found a little strange about the MTV Movie Awards was that the kiss cam did not turn on Rob and Kristen. Do you think their publicist had a little chat with the producers or something else?
—Yaya
Dear Robsten Student:
Oh, yeah. There were a lotta convos regarding exactly what would—and what wouldn’t—go down between Rob and Kristen. And then they did exactly what they wanted, per usual.
Dear Ted:
Can we please talk about how awesome both of Sandra Bullock’s appearances have been? She is the ultimate in class and grace, and I am so glad to hear she’s not going anywhere! She couldn’t have handled what might’ve been an awkward situation any better!
—Bno1buturself
Dear Tell Me About It:
Who needs Miss Congeniality 3? Sandy’s friggin’ livin’ it! And with far more humor and—as you mentioned—grace, than any Hollywood writer could possibly imagine.
Dear Ted:
My shelter-adopted pooch, Bomma, is so totally convinced Chet Chick-Muncher is Tom Sizemore. Does she get an extra treat for being right?
—Irish
Dear Keep Begging:
Sorry, Irish, but you do get supersloppy licks from Charlie, Margo and Cleo! Think far more good-looking (and relevant) for the dude who likes to dabble, as it were.
Dear Ted:
Cruella St. Shackles has been lying low. Is this because she’s working overtime in her personal life, sorting out her husband’s lover’s blackmail threats? Does her husband want to leave her?
—Vgualy
Dear Wrong Direction:
Cruella, our conniving, dusty diva, is indeed lying low, but it’s not because she’s so busy sorting out her hubby’s bisexuality. It’s because nobody’s really that interested in hearing from her. Big diff.
Dear Ted:
Is Dougy Dry-Hump Matt McConaughey? I hope not.
—Sarah
Dear Failure to Enlighten:
Why, because he’s such a dreamy, lovable star? Hardly, hon. But you’re safe in regard to the stripper-loving lothario. Think just as good-looking, bur more small screen.
Dear Ted:
I find it odd Ashley and Kellan both weren’t at the MTV Movie Awards. You know they love getting attention. Was this Summit’s way of punishing them?
—Heather
Dear Summit-Suspicious:
Even though Ashley did have another commitment on Sunday, it’s not exactly a complete secret Summit’s keeping Ashley and Kellan a bit on reserve until after the Eclipse blowout has taxed their main stars to the hilt. Enter the refreshed and adorable Kel ‘n’ Ash!
Dear Ted:
Following your Bennifer2.0 comments, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is Ben really that miserable? And if he is, why doesn’t he just get a divorce? I get that being married to a seemingly wonderful Jennifer Garner can be good for his image, but do Hollywood couples really stay married just for the sake of publicity, even when it’s making them sad? I know they’ve got kids, but staying together for the sake of them is not the answer.
—Plpmoichis
Dear Concerned:
No, Ben is not miserable. But yes, the degree to which Ben and Jennifer have stuck it out has a lot to do with their kids—it’s not an unusual scenario. Frankly, I don’t think anybody’s more shocked than the ‘rents themselves that they’ve been able to hack it. But for how long?
Dear Ted:
Sandra Bullock seems to be making a stand for lesbians by kissing random famous women on the stage. On purpose or just a joke that keeps coming back? And I kinda expected a small comment in the direction of Katy Perry because of her songs about ScarJo’s lips.
—Bastiaanroosen
Dear Politically Curious:
As much as I heart the totally gay-supporting Bullock, trust me, she’s doing it for the laughs, first and foremost. But she’s also fully aware (and to answer your second question) this is already a bit old.
Dear Ted:
About your response to the reader who asked why tabs are allowed to print ridiculous stories but you have to cover up your goodies. You said it was because your items are true, but in a suit for libel, truth is an absolute defense! Maybe I read your column on breaks while I’m studying for the bar exam. Anyway, I have a feeling that your secrecy has more to do with not wanting to burn bridges than it does with avoiding lawsuits.
—Selizabeth
Dear I Object:
I’ve never been afraid of burning a bridge—and I have the enemies to prove it. It’s much more a case of morals, future counselor (and I know this is a dynamic your set rarely studies). If a dude or gal wants to shout they’re gay, book some stoner online sex or even shoot up some fresh-cooked crack, I really believe that stuff’s up to them to reveal, for the most part, at least.

Love Ted? Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter.
________
Not enough to debate over? Head to our Bitch-Back section Read the rest of this entry

‘Well, they were in a new location and it was a fabulous vacation,’ stylist says of her over-the-top looks.
By Jocelyn Vena

Photo: MTV News

It’s been 12 years since “Sex and the City” premiered on HBO, and franchise stylist Patricia Field is as skilled as ever at having fans scramble to get the latest looks worn by Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. And while the women seem more settled in their personal lives in “Sex and the City 2,” their looks have gotten almost more over-the-top than before.

Read the rest of this entry

Dear Ted:
Did Kristen Stewart really get replaced in the June cover of Vogue with Blake Lively just because she wouldn’t talk about her personal life on the interview? Or was there some other reason we don’t know about?
—Team Kristen
Dear Cover Stealer:
No need to start a Kristen vs. Blake war, K.S. was never supposed to be on the cover. Silly rumor, really. K.Stew is on the cover of Elle—Anna Wintour would never double-book a girl. She’s far too elite for that.
Dear Ted:
What’s your opinion on Megan Fox? Do you think Transformers 3 will be better or worse without her? I find her slightly annoying and, though I know not to expect much from the movie, I’m pleased she’s a goner. Your column is my favorite read of the day!
—PL
Dear Fox Hunting:
Sure, M.F. says some really bizarro stuff (and sometimes I totally don’t agree with her approach to the Industry) but the babe knows how to stay interesting, and I can’t hate her for that. As for Transformers, the movie is supposed to be about hot babes, explosions, and robots, no? Well, lose Megan and you’re losing one of the hottest gals around—and free publicity, no doubt. Who else can make headlines like Megan?
Dear Ted:
Has anyone emailed you the right guess for Moisty Mohr yet? So far, you’ve eliminated most late-night TV hosts, but is it possible for M.M. to be a news reporter or a cartoonist? For news reporter, I can picture our silver fox Anderson Cooper. If you consider Stephen Colbert more attractive than M.M., OMG. If I’m going down the wrong road please tip me in the right direction!
—Li

Dear Mistaken Identity:
No correct guesses for M2—this dude must keep his identity really hidden, huh? Well at least from the babes he’s not banging in dressing rooms. As for Andy Cooper, he is way way way too good looking to be Moisty. Seriously, think very minimal attractiveness—unless you consider his money.
Dear Ted:
Ok are the courts really going to believe that Lindsay Lohan lost her passport? I mean, come on. I used to feel sorry for her. I really hope she does get the 6 months jail time that the D.A. is talking about. Does she think she is above the law? Because if a normal person was in her shoes they would already be doing jail time. She needs a reality check big time.
—Aimee
Dear Liva La Vida Lohan:
Of course she thinks she’s above the law because that’s how she’s been treated—so far. How many DUIs does this chick have? Add that to cocaine possession, alleged theft, and a whole heap of charges that she hasn’t done time for and obviously she’s going to think she’s untouchable. That has finally changed.
Dear Ted:
Just saw an interesting article. Do you think female celebs who cheat on their significant others get a break? Judging by the list of “cheaters”—JLo, Jennifer Garner, Anne Heche (serial cheater apparently!)—none of these women were taken to task the way some men have been. Granted, the men who get the hardest time in the press had multiple affairs with “interesting” people, but overall it seems like this is the one area women get a break and men don’t.
—Jas
Dear Gal Cop:
Words right out of my bitchy mouth.
Dear Ted:
Say it ain’t so! In your last Bitch-Back you said that there’s a diva on the Vampire Diaries set. I absolutely adore this show, and it’s disappointing to see that one of these kids has gotten a big head already. Any more details you can tell us? By the way, a few months ago I rescued an adorable kitty (malnourished, with fleas to boot) who now sleeps with me every night. Love you!
—JB
Dear Diva Alert:
Here’s an example for you: at a recent H’wood shindig celebrating upcomers, this Vamp star was such a pain in the ass about getting his/her picture taken that the photogs eventually just said forget it—when in reality, this babe should have been thanking anyone willing to take their picture.
Dear Ted:
Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams look so adorable together in Cannes, even holding hands. I think McGosling fans would approve of this pairing. So, Ted, what’s the deal? Why aren’t these two an item?
—Sal
Dear Cupid:
Give it time.
Dear Ted:
What is Bradley Cooper’s Blind Vice? He seems like such a nice person! I can’t imagine him having a beard or doing something relating to drugs! I have a friend with a professor who went to school with him and he said that Brad was a great person! Does his Vice have anything to do with that stick he’s dating?
—Doli
Dear Denial:
Think again, babe. Bradley’s very good (or not so good, actually, depending on who you’re chatting with) at hiding his secret—which is devilishly sexy, just like him!
Dear Ted:
Since a lot of letters are being printed regarding fauxmances and beards, may I ask if there are serial beards? Go-to starlets that handlers can “hire” with publicity and roles to date gay actors who need cover. If so, are they usually gay too or just flexible. Thanks.
—S
Dear Beard For Life:
Once a beard, always a beard. At least that’s what I like to say. Sure, there are definitely a few chicks in T-town who have had multiple set ups with DL dudes. Keeps their names in the papers too, win-win?
Dear Ted:
I think I’ve cracked the case. And now I feel like an idiot because it was so obvious. Nevis Divine is Jonathan Rhys Meyers. If you don’t post this, I’ll know I’m right. Love you Ted. Take care.
—Bubble
Dear Detective Divine:
Hate to break it to you, Sherlock, but you haven’t quite solved this crafty case. Now would be the absolute worst timing for Nev to need a rehab stint—unlike JRM.
Dear Ted:
In your gossiping wisdom, what is keeping Me-Me Dallas and Tobey Yum Yum apart? I think they make a (well, sweet may not be the word?) fun couple and I can’t wait until they’re back in B.V. land together again.
—IB
Dear Stupid Cupid:
Me-Me is obviously too much for Tobey to handle, as manly as he may think he is.
Dear Ted:
I find it really interesting that just like Jared Padalecki and his new wife Genevieve Cortese, Jensen Ackles and his new wife Danneel Harris chose not to have a honeymoon. What is it about these Supernatural boys that has them too busy to spend time with their wives? Are there any other things these two marriages have in common? Cheers!
—Radha
Dear Workaholics:
It’s all about the business, babe. Got to sell themselves if they want to keep the fame, right?
Dear Ted:
Okay, with all the Buffy cast troubles over the past few weeks I found myself wondering: How many of the cast (people who had their name appear in the opening credits) became Blind Vices? Were there any out of the group that never even came close to having one?
—Cali
Dear Vamp Vices:
The most famous are obvious Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz, so don’t fret. Buffy definitely has fewer BVs than Twilight—but those horny kids could out-Vice any franchise!
Dear Ted:
I have a twofer for you. Do you think that these more comfortable relaxed sit-down interviews (Oprah and USA Today) that Robsten appears to be doing lately is an indicator that they will at some point fess up to being a couple (not that we really need confirmation). There are some of us in the fandom that believe that Robsten are engaged and/or married. Penny for your thoughts on that subject.
—A