Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are all back in the latest chapter of the Twilight saga, “Eclipse” — due in theatres this summer. Take a bite out of this brand new trailer!

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First of all, I do not hate Taylor Lautner, as Martha from Chicago complains in today’s Bitch-Back. I simply tire of his exquisitely coiffed hair and abs being shoved down Twilight-oriented fans’ throats every breathing second.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s Robsten’s job, and Robsten’s job only.
And for those of you nuts who are right about now saying, “Ted, you idiot, New Moon and Eclipse are more about Taylor and Kristen,” I say eat my Rob Pattinson cutout. It’s Hollywood. There’s no reason storylines can’t be bent for the media and the hotter couple be utilized to sell the merchandise!
Besides, Taylor is too damn perfect.
He’s getting eerily reminiscent of a pod creature who’s been sent to us from planet Preteen. Does he ever get a blemish or pass a mirror without stopping?
Another weird dynamic about this Taylor thing was how at the Oscars he united two most unlikely goss reporters:

As soon as I was done interviewing winners backstage at the Kodak, who should come up to me but that delightfully outspoken Lainey, too weird, and here’s why:
She was all fresh-faced and adorable. I was shocked. I mean, really, judging by that broad’s crankyass poking at my sometimes deranged devotion to all things Robsten, I thought the babe would be guzzling a brew and spitting chew at me.
But instead, we completely bonded over how well Kristen handled herself Oscar night—in fact, Lainey wrote up later what we both agreed on: that Kristen was perfectly at ease being natural, and Taylor’s apparently from outer space.
Well, Lainey says he’s Tom Cruise Jr., but it may be the same thing at this stage.
Point is, we were both so put out by Taylor’s auto smile, we both forgot to tell each other how much we disagree with each other about Robsten!
Or at least I did. Which is saying something, considering how much I believe in the rebel duo and have always made plain.
Note to Taylor: Please fart in public, or something half-human, and redeem yourself, I beg you.

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Sunday wasn’t all about Taylor and Stewart, check out other Big Moments From the Show Read the rest of this entry

Dear Ted:
As a long time fan of your work, I am all about the fun gossip. However, when did it become OK to detail 911 calls, like Marie Osmond’s son? It’s just curiosity taken to a nasty and unhealthy level.
—Bicho
Dear Same Page:
Hold on, hon, it’s a tough one. Most outlets, not just E! Online, usually run made-public 911 calls of high-interest deaths—as the public does retain the right to know. But I feel your pain, and it’s a heart-wrenching dilemma when you’re hearing Brittany Murphy’s mom plea for her daughter’s life (I stopped listening, couldn’t take it). Where’s the answer here? Probably with you: Don’t like it, don’t listen.
Dear Ted:
I have been reading your column since early 2000s (’00-’02). I remember you talking about Toothy Tile then. I always thought it was Tommy boy. What say you?
—Flash
Dear Hard to Say:
Which “Tommy boy” are you referring to? Hanks? Interesting, but way off.
Dear Ted:
Has Genevieve Cortese ever been or starred in a B.V.?
—Chaz

Dear Supercurious:
Jared Padalecki’s new wifey hasn’t been a Blind Vice—though I hear she’d love to be!
Dear Ted:
I read a lot more in your columns about Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols than I’d expect to. Figured the four of us One Tree Hills fans were the only ones left who cared. Go figure! Anyway, what ever happened to the rumored romance between Sophia Bush and James Lafferty? Seems like that went poof!
—Emily
Dear Out With the Old Costar:
Yeah, they were together for a hot second. What castmembers haven’t on this set? After all, OTH has been around since before Sarah Palin killed her first moose, right?
Dear Ted:
I watched the Oscars and thought Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner both looked great and did well. However, what was up with the horror montage they had to present? The Twilight Saga is based on vampires, but I’ve always considered it more of a love story. Does the Academy hate Twilight so much that it doesn’t even really know what it’s about? Granted, I know they aren’t great movies or anything, but I just thought that whole montage was strange.
—Confused
Dear Wrong Way:
Why the hell it was even a horror montage in the first place is what I’d like to know. You’re thinking of it in reverse here, babe. They were scraping the ground for a reason to get Kristen and Taylor to the Oscars. It’s all about boosting ratings. However, a far bigger crime was Farrah Fawcett’s nonexistence, in my opinion.
Dear Ted:
I can’t believe Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over that commercial that features “milkaholic” Lindsay. When that commercial first started airing, I don’t think anyone thought that they were making fun of Lindsay Lohan. Is she that desperate for attention and money that she’ll file a frivolous lawsuit?
—J
Dear Bingo:
Uh yeah, how else is Lindsay going to support all those habits she has? She’s a hoarder, after all.
Dear Ted:
What is your problem with Taylor Lautner? You’ve been really icy to him since New Moon came out with your “no personality, no chemistry, he’s so blah” comments. Taylor was the best part of that movie. So what did he do to you?
—Martha in Chicago
Dear See Your Point:
Tay-Tay’s adorable. No denying that. But he’s just turning into Summit’s perfect mouthpiece, don’t you think? We prefer our leading men slightly off the perfectly chiseled abs mark.
Dear Ted:
What’s up with Ryan Reynolds and his wifey, Scarlett Johansson? Are they just extremely anti-PDA, or are they swimming in troubled waters right now?
—Bubbly
Dear Fab Question:
That’s what I want to know, too! If I nabbed Ry I wouldn’t let that dreamboat out of my sight! Plus, no one really cares that much about them and their hidden relaysh anymore. Don’t know what they’re hiding from. The fact that he’s too beautiful to ever actually settle down for long?
Dear Ted:
Who’s deeper in the closet? Toothy or Judas Jack-Off? I’d say Toothy, since he’s also hiding Baby Tile, but JJO seems to go to great lengths to hide his true self…thoughts?
—Scott
Dear Hard One:
Tough! The way Toothy’s been acting lately, I’m gonna go with him. Though I don’t say JJO coming out anytime soon, either.
Dear Ted:
Since you tell us Sarah Michelle Gellar isn’t Cruella St. Shackles, can you give us a hint on which B.V. she is? Is it an older one, like two or three years old or more recent? And what about David Boreanaz’s Blind Vice? Does it having anything to do with his alleged affair with Rachel Uchitel, or is it older than that?
–Lulu
Dear Buffy 101:
SMG’s is an oldie but goodie. And it’s not that bad of one, by the by. Compared to David’s, which is far yuckier.
Dear Ted:
I was just wondering if Leonardo DiCaprio has ever been a Blind Vice? If so, could you give me a hint?
—M
Dear Sink That Ship:
Yes…but ages ago. He’s quite indecently dusty, actually, since currently there’s no hiding L.D.’s public womanizing skills.
Dear Ted:
Do you think Brad Pitt will ever get his mojo back? If yes, what would it take and how soon do you think it will happen?
—Chick
Dear Swagger Jacked:
Of course, B.P.’s just going through a bad phase. It happens to us all. Though I don’t see him coming back while he’s with Angelina; she’s always so cold.
Dear Ted:
Is Secretia Ohio Rebecca Gayheart?
—Mahealani
Dear Fresh-Faced:
No, but way to think out of the usual Hollywood box!
Dear Ted:
I’ve been reading your Bitch-Backs and B.V.s since October of 2009. You mentioned David Boreanaz several times and then stopped. Now you bring him up again, but instead of with Emily Deschanel, you mention Sarah Michelle Geller. Bones fans want to hear about D.B. and E.D. Not fair.
–Janet
Dear Fanatics:
Jeez, you Bones kids are giving Jackles fans a run for their overzealous money. First off, blame the people writing in. I answer what I’m asked. And I’m an avid Buffy lover, so to me Angle and Buffy forever. As for Emily and David, what do you want to know about? I don’t see a question there.
Dear Ted:
Anytime I see Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli together they look happy and normal, and their kids look happy and normal as well. Is everything as perfect as it seems with those two, or do they have any B.V.-worthy secrets they’re hiding?
—D
Dear 9021No:
Everyone has secrets. But they aren’t hidden here.
Dear Ted:
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a Twilight fan, but I think Taylor and Kristen are becoming way too overrated. Rob has been making an effort to stay low, which earns my respect, but how long is it until Kristen’s and Taylor’s 15 minutes are up?
—Jess
Dear Ticking Time Bomb:
Taylor’s will probably be up before Rob’s. In fact, count on it. The kid’s just becoming too available and out there. He’s like the male AnnaLynne McCord. Kristen’s got a movie to promote, but expect her to go back under the radar pre-Eclipse.
Dear Ted:
It feels like your interest in Jackles is decreasing. Please tell me it isn’t so and that the weddings are not fooling you anymore than they are fooling us!
—Darren
Dear Unrequited Love:
Decreased? No, not at all. And remember, folks get married for many different reasons in this town, but they still get hitched.
Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile truly is never going to come out, is he? Just answer me this: Will Grey Goose continue to wait around for him, or is this duo running out of love and time?
—J
Dear Sweet Thing:
Poor Grey Goose will wait for his man until he’s old and stuffed, hence, his name.

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For more hollerin’ fun head over to our Bitch-Back! section. Read the rest of this entry

‘There’s nothing I can say except a person’s got to go through what they’ve got to go through,’ Haim said of his ups and downs.
By James Montgomery

Corey Haim

Photo: Ron Galella/ Getty Images

Early Wednesday morning (March 10), actor Corey Haim was pronounced dead at Providence St. Joseph’s Medical Center in Burbank, California, as a result of an apparent drug overdose. He was 38 years old.

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Here are new outtakes of Taylor Lautner from the InStyle Photoshoot by Thomas Whiteside.

Great smile!

[Source: LautnerFan]

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Forget Vanity Fair’s fete…Madonna, her manager Guy Oseary and

Dear Ted:
So, what was George Clooney’s deal at the Academy Awards? He appeared to be acting like a three-year-old child that got his toys taken away. He had such a sour-puss look on his face, and he made it clear the funnymen on stage shouldn’t dare tease him. Really?
—Nikki
Dear Oh Dear:
Sweetheart, that’s faker Clooney, a man with whom what you see is never what you get. Witness his love life.
Dear Ted:
What’s up with Taylor Lautner? I think he has zero charisma, no chemistry with his onscreen ladies and he’s as sexy as a rock (you need to have more than muscles to be hot). But I’m dying to know your opinion! Could you please tell me what you really think of him?
—Cindy
Dear Since You Asked:
Honestly? It’s too soon to tell. He’s a kid who’s clearly enjoying the fame—and he sure knows how to work it. I just don’t think Taylor’s realized how emotionally expensive all this put-on show for the cameras is going to be, once he actually gets a life.
Dear Ted:
Was Sean Hayes the big reveal in The Advocate? I mean, duh.
—Jasmolak

Dear No Kidding:
Yeah, unless Sandra Bullock’s been trying to tell us something with all that Meryl Streep smooch stuff. But, really, reminds me of when Nathan Lane finally came out. What’s the point?
Dear Ted:
Check out this picture of Jodie Foster and Kristen Stewart. What in the world could she be saying to her?
—Erinwest
Dear It’s Obvious:
Jodie’s clearly telling KStew that if she trots out Taylor again like he’s her little bitchlette, she’s dead meat.
Dear Ted:
In one of your recent posts, you commented, “remember, T.Swift never rocked the purity ring like those JoBros did. She’s not a fake, which, in our book, really makes you sexy.” Are all of the purity ring wearers in Hollywood fake, or do some of them actually keep their promises?
—Cea